I parked my truck on a Friday afternoon and it sat there for two days. On Monday, just in time for work, I placed the stiletto key into the ignition and “Pah-chukka-pah-chukka”. Nothing. Leprechauns at their best.
Now someone would argue that gremlins were at work, but nay, nay, thrice nay. Tis the small being hooked on the green we’re talking about. Rainbow? Gold? Bah. They are the world’s oldest practical jokers. Yes, someone could regale me again about ancient tales having these wee folks ply some sexy occupation dealing in shoe repair, but, in the end, the little buggers are silent pranksters. Foiling fools with bags of tricks well before Penn & Teller branded that sort of thing in Vegas. I know this since I’ve seen it with my own eyes. The evidence is damning.
Here are some headlines ripped from today’s news.
Senior citizen with forty cats wins lottery.
Kobe Bryant misses free throws. Lakers lose to Celtics.
End of rainbow discovered. Yields no gold. Story at 11.
Come on guys. It’s easy. Where did you leave your car keys? On the counter? No, you left them in the bedroom under piles of unwashed socks, but somehow they ended up on the counter. How does this happen? Leprechauns that’s how.
Think about it. Who always closes the screen door, so the dog can run full steam into it every day? He never learns, right? Wrong. The door was open. You went to start dinner and wham – dog with a waffle pattern on his nose when the door was suddenly closed.
Just like the new cement patio that has footprints, and that first scratch on your new car that never left the garage. Say it with me – Leprechauns.
The list goes on and on. You try to kiss your date and you burp. The soup you had in the microwave stayed 1.5 seconds too long and explodes. The houseplants suddenly haven’t been watered in seven days and I can’t even tell you how long your freezer has been cracked open. It all comes down to those mysterious, three foot, give or take, monsters that wish to make hay with our lives.
One even had the audacity to leave my blinker on for five miles. I won’t go into my college grades either. Leprechauns are out there and they are waiting to show the world that your fly has been open for a better part of the day.
To all those, Irish or not, have a pleasant and leprechaun-free St. Patrick’s Day.